Napoleón y Pedro

Y el “comemierdismo” venezolano no deja de sorprenderme y no dejo de extrañarlo, por más que vocifere candela cuando dicen Venezuela. Y es que en el fondo, somos un pueblo benévolo, inocentes de corazón y hasta ingenuos… Para muestra, esta conversación. Por aquello del G2 infiltrado en Venezuela, y dado que uno de los interlocutores sigue viviendo en Venezuela, lo bautizaremos “Parker”. Y yo, soy “G”

Parker: Believe it or not…. Vote for Pedro sigue matando
Parker: Estoy en la UCV que me vine a ver Jesucristo Superestrella
Parker: Una señora se me acerca y me pregunta de donde saque la franela
G: Jajajajajajajjajajajajajajjajajaa I love it!!!!!!!!
Parker: La gente se rie
G: Jajajajajajajajajajajajajaja
G: Que le contestaste?
Parker: Claro esta mujer estaba aun mas intrigada porque un sobrino tenia una pero que le habian traido de Estados Unidos
Parker: Pensó que a lo mejor yo tenia un vinculo o contacto con alguien del colegio
Parker: Le explique que tambien venia de Estados Unidos y que en realidad es el motivo de pelicula juvenil que se hizo hace años alla
Parker: Ni de vaina iba a hablarle de Napoleon y Pedro

(Paréntesis aquí. Tratar de explicar Napoleon Dynamite es igual o parecido a explicar el plan de ahorro eléctrico de la EDC – acuérdense que sigue siendo EDC para mi, mis rojitos)

(Y después volvimos a la realidad..).

G: Yo la vi en NY (Jesucristo Superestrella)
G: Lo mismo que verla en la UCV
Parker: Claro… Sobretodo con Karina como Maria Magdalena..

La doble moral

Antes de comenzar debería darle las gracias a un amigo que tengo en Caracas, pues gracias a nuestras conversaciones diarias por BB (sí, es uno de los tantos de miles que tiene un BB en Vzla) he encontrado inspiración para escribir este blog. So, yes, Parker, you are my muse. El de hoy va en spanglish.

Hablando esta mañana con mi amigo, me comenta que anoche estuvo en una tertulia con blogueros, periodistas, analizando el “entorno”. Suponemos que el “entorno” haya sido la situación política venezoana. En fin. As expected, I criticized the whole thing. True, I don’t know what was I said, but I bet my ass that at some point they talked about the situation in the country and how the opposition isn’t worth shit, nor that the government is doing the right thing, the constant fear of getting robbed, kidnapped, etc. This, to me, is a complete waste of time, people. As simple as that. That is so Yoani that is getting old. Sorry folks, to me Yoani is just an opportunist. Yes, I will get attacked for what I just said but we live in a free country. At least I do and I can say whatever I please. Which brings me to “double standards”. All is fine as long as you agree with me, right? Probably at some point during last night’s conversation or maybe at some point during the course of their lives, they have proclaimed: “yo? irme de Venezuela? JAMAS. Yo me quedo a luchar por mi pais”. EXCUSE ME WHILE I CHOKE IN MY OWN LAUGHTER. People, please, let’s be honest with each other. And with ourselves. You know that as soon as you are given the opportunity to leave Venezuela, you won’t even BLINK. You win the green card lottery, and you will celebrate like there’s no tomorrow. Soon it will get to the point where the ones “stuck” in Venezuela will “hate” the ones living abroad for the ones that left never had the guts to stay and suffer the consequences or fight for their country. When the truth is, like a Cuban friend says, “que cuando el miedo te toca en lo personal, no hay pais que valga”. “La patria es un invento”. True, la gran Celia dijo una vez que el peor error que pudieron hacer los cubanos fue el haberse ido porque le dejaron la isla a EL. Yet, fear, egotism, individualism, personal interests, etc., will always be our biggest flaws like human beings. For no matter how much we want to make things right, our personal interests will always prevail.

I’ve been living in this country for almost 7 years now. I’ve always wanted to leave Venezuela. I never felt like a true Venezuelan. I’ve always lived or spent most of my life abroad. Yes, it has a been a blessing, but it has also opened my eyes. Yes, I do miss Caracas from time to time. I am the person I am today thanks to the wonderful education I had in my country and I made a name for myself in my country. Eso no lo cambio por nada. BUT, I will tell you this, es muy sabroso gritar ABAJO CHAVEZ mientras te tomas un cafecito en el Versailles, compras en Costco o compras el ultimo iPhone a precio de gallina flaca. Words, that, my friends, I have never, nor will never say, while living abroad. Why? Because I made a choice. And that choice was to leave my country for political reasons. But more so, I owe respect to those still living in Venezuela who WANT to get out and can’t do so. And those who WANT to get out will admit it without any shame.

So please, let’s be more true to ourselves. And most of all, no caigamos en la trampa de la doble moral. I know my words are already gone with the wind, but at least make the effort. Not to try to change the direction of the government (that is a whole new story), but at least to be more sincere when you engage in any political debate.

“No me das coco…”

“No me das coco…” The words of a friend when I told him this morning that I resolved a personal issue in an hour, visit to the bank and traffic included. The fact is that I’m moving. And yes, moving is a pain in the ass. Simply put. There is no other way to describe it. Yet, the process of moving in this country tends to be a little bit easier or less painful, if you will, than, oh, I don’t know, Venezuela. One of these “pains” is the change of address process, the updating of all the information, transferring services, etc. And here is where this country excels: in making your life, at least in this regard, a bit ore easier. It turns out everything can be done thru the Internet (duh!). You don’t need a PhD to know that, but the following did strike my attention and has had me thinking all day long. Transferring your FPL account can be done thru the Internet. What is FPL? The EDC gringo. (To me it will always be Electricidad de Caracas, sorry my friends in red). Back to the story. So this is how is done: you go their site, log in, you give them your old address, the new address to where you are moving, the date when you’re leaving your old place and the date you are moving in. That’s it. No service interruption before nor delays in getting power in the new place. Also, and this is what really made me sing “Oh say can you see…” all day long, is that as A COURTESY, FPL will give you 10 days with power even AFTER you moved out, just in case something goes wrong with the moving process and you have to stay a few extra days in your old place. The same applies with the water service. Other things I took care online: get a new driver’s license with the new address, register my car (a.ka. el famoso RAP), schedule my cable and Internet service (works the same as FPL), change address in bank, credit cards, etc. You know, the basic stuff. “No me das coco…” is what my friend says. He can now pay for his new (I guess also renewal) passport with a credit card. Kudos! Here you can renew it or get a new one online and have it FEDEXed… Yes, this has been an ode to this country. But you know what? Those who know me, know I’m “pro-yanqui”. Those who didn’t know it and are finding out now, and you don’t agree, nor approve, I frankly don’t care. Still, I do have this final thought. Sure, this country has many flaws. Now more than ever. Still, there it stands. Organization, structure… some of its building blocks. Why can’t we have the same? Ah yes, I forgot. We can’t even get organized to direct the country in another way.

Self-checkout

Una de las cosas que más impresiona de este país, o mejor aún, de esta sociedad, es su “honestidad”. Y digo “honestidad” porque siempre hay quien burle la regla. La tienda Ikea, mundialmente conocida por sus bajos precios, diseño minimalista, etc., tiene la comodidad del “self-checkout”. El self-checkout no es más que cajeros automatizados donde uno mismo “escanea” lo que va a comprar, lo cancela y ya. No hay que depender de una persona, “una cajera” en este caso, que lo haga por ti. Impresiona ver coómo estos puntos de self-checkout no cuentan con supervisión. Y es que no los necesitan. Me pregunto, quá pasaría si se instalaran estos puntos en tiendas caraqueñas?

Vote for Pedro

Last night talking with a friend, he mentioned that his shirt VOTE FOR PEDRO is still a “shock and awe” sensation in Caracas. Those are the little “comemierdismos” that I miss from my native country. The fact that you are “cool” if you have the latest BlackBerry, that if you see Avatar in 3D than you simply rock or that if you can still vacation in Miami then, my friend, everyone will bow to you. You want to “shock and awe” here in Miami? Try wearing a Che Guevara t-shirt in Versailles. If you make it out of there alive, please do share your experience. I do NOT support communism in any way or form, before you start criticizing. I just used a mere example. Back to Vote for Pedro… Those things still bring a smile to my face. Venezuelans or “caraqueños” are still innocent at heart.